The Pants Cursed Me!
by silentdreamsinthisheartx
Summary: Stalag 14 and Foxwoods are on a trip to a mueseum in London when their bus breaks down. With all the couples together, and Dave and Gee being goosegogs extraordinaire who knows what could happen.
1. Trust my beard

**A/N I don't own the characters :( Louise Rennison does. **

**Just a two shot/ maybe longer that popped into my head :) I don't want to do anymore multi-chapter stories until I am done with Pants and Pantaloons so I am just doing one shots during spare time :D Hope you like it! Set after sitnop. **

**I am dedicating this to ****Earth Kid Tree Hugger**** who is a vair talented author, always has great advice, vair kind and always a good pallie to me, especially when I need a moan. Please check out her stories, she has 12 some of them are: Fangs for the snogs, And by girl I mean Masimo Scarlotti, Not your stereotypical guy, Dave's songs etc. You will lurve them! If you love Dave the Laugh you will love Dave's songs as it is written by Dave the Laugh himself. So if you don't read this, Dave will get his camel on you! :) **

8:00 am

Cor, luck a duck! Libby has gone even further into the Valley Of Loons! For some vair randomosity reason she has decided to hang upside down on my door by her erlack a pongoes socks and Angus. It's so hard being the only norma normal person in this house.

1 minute later

God my story is vair tragico, I should write about it, I would make vair gazillions spondulicks as it would have _le comedie _factor, tragicosity and lurvveee in it. Purrfeccct! I would have to play _moi _in the movie deal of course; no-one can act like me like moi! Hmm I should really start doing my beauty regime as any fule could tell you forty minutes to do natural makeup is vair not enough. God my life is getting vair sadosity.

8:40 

I look vair guht for only 40 minutes to do my natural makeup, hair and get what the "grown ups" that pretend they are my mutti and vati call breaky i.e. a moss covered piece of butter on mouldy toast. Vair nutritious. I will either have to use my pants to charm Jazzy Spazzy into giving me some of her Midget Gems so her bestie pallie has some nutrition or duff her up.

1 minute later

If I go with the duffing up I will have a gazillion years of fringe shaking and vole rambles but if I charm her then I have to listen to her go on about the ways of voles and marsupials. Oh Baby J, why do you like to torture me with these vair _difficle _decisions? I know I let you get tortured by the evil toddler (Libby) but I did try to save you, I was vair heroic and got a biff from Libbs and Angus for my troubles. So I vair deserve some kindosity right now! Not that I am vair selfishosity!

8:45

Rave on volley! Ravey on like a raving thing. Gadzooks, you would think she was a nature sadist(teacher) or something the way she goes on about cuckoo spit and voles and all that vair tragic and _enneyeux _nature stuff. For the love of god's Pantibus's pet platypuses egg (A/N I really am obsessed with using platypus in everything at the mo.) If you vair silly minxes haven't realised who I am talking about yet, then I am going to spread my pash for world peace and share my intelligence with the vair dim or silly minxes of the world and tell you, I am on about Jas. Yes the Vole Queen. I wonder where the Vole King is? Those two are vair normally stuck like two stuck things stuck together with extra super duper glue.

1 minute 

Speak of the vole, here he comes. Marvy. I barely get any of Jas's attention now when I am trying to tell her vair amusante and wise things now Hunky is here. Boo you Voley!

9:00 pm 

Muahahahha! I have just gotten vair cleverosity revenge back on Jas for ignoring moi to talk to her vole partner. I pushed them into a bush just before we got to far enough away to not be seen by Hawkeye's hawk eyes, it was a vair deep bush so it will take them at least two minutes to get out and then another 10 minute to say goodbye (I.e. snoggling for you silly minxes) I went off all happy chappy to the gate, even smiling and saying good morrow to Hawkeye. Of course she mistook my niceosity for being a cheeky minx but she is vair old so I may forgive her.

9:10 am 

Hahaha! Jas is getting told of by Hawkeye outside for being late. I was almost happy to be in assembly singing: "He's got the whole world in his PANTS!".

1 minute later

Ah merde! I just remembered I didn't get my midget gems before I pushed her in the bush. Oh marvy she is defo not going to give me any now, unless I over compliment her fringe which it is too early to consider. Maybe Ro-Ro has a secret stash in her beard?

2 minutes later

Result! Ro-Ro is now my favourite Viking ever. I can't believe she keeps Midget Gems and chuddie in her beard! No wonder she lurvees that thing. Ah see creativeosity saves the world. Hahaha see Jas, creativeosity is a good and vair helpful thing. This day is getting better!

15 minutes later

Spoke vair too soon, the pants cursed me! Slim has vair put a downer on my day. God she is a cheeky minx, I know all her fat and chin cities drown out some of her kindosity but she is vair rude and selfishosity central these days. Sadly this is the sort of world we live in. oh well I guess this just adds to my tragicosity that will make me gazillions of spondulicks! Anyway Flab Central was rambling on when she said:

"Friday, we have a trip with Foxwoods to the science museum in London. You will all have to be here to get on the coach that will be leaving here at 8 sharp with the Foxwood boys also. Now I expect you all to be good representatives of the school…." And raved on with only her flab listening.

Merde! Marvy and fab central. Sarcasm of coursey. 2 hours on a bus with the Ace's drooling over their boyfriends and me and Dave being goosegog extraordinaires. Oh well with Dave it will be vair tres amusante anyway but it may be tad awkward since the almost fisticuffs at dawn. I still don't know what is going through Masimo's gorgey head, if he has dumped me or not. It is vair not good to be a single pringle around Davey as it will tempt him even more to blow my horn. Oo-er! Shh brain! Its too early for your fule-ness!

German

For a platypuses sake! Even when I am nice and snugly in german I still can't get peace. The first reason is a german fule the second reason is a certain ace gang. They are vair muchos excitemondo about the museum trip. For those silly minxes out there they are not suddenly interested in museums, well other than Jas, obvs they are muchos excitemondo because they will be with their so called boyfriends. They are so in lurrveee they can't even see that I am vair not excited central about going.

"Gee, my beard tells me in his vair wise pants way, that you are not vair excited for this trip. Tell me why or I will be forced to go all Sherlock Pants on you, again! I also have handcuffs with fur and dreadlocks on now!" Oh god sometimes its not even worth questioning her, I blame Sven, he has possessed her.

"Well O Viking One, I am not vair excited central as I am going to be a goosegog extraordinaire with Dave and it may be awkward after the whole fisticuffs at dawn fandango" See, this just shows my pash for world peace. I am just an endless supply of niceosity.

"Ah O Looney Gee, trust my beard that it will all be fine" I really don't trust her beard, why? It's a beard enough said really.

Friday 

Merde! I am like 5 minutes late. I went as speedy as a speedy whatsit onto the bus.

1 minute later

Marvy. The only space left is next to Dave. He winked at me and said:

"Kittykat, are you gonna sit your redbottom down? Or does a biscuit need to push it down? And of course being the vair sophis people they are the whole coach laughed like laughing loons.

May the pants be with me!

**Hit or miss? Like or hate? Let me know :) review :D**


	2. Let the beard fight begin!

**A/N I don't own the characters :( **

**Sorry for the long wait on this, I have been so vair busy then ill so I haven't had much time to write so I just finished pants and pantaloons so my beta didn't have to wait ages for that know I'm starting this. Sorry if this is rubbisho, my excuse is that I am ill and tired but I don't want you to have to wait for ages. **

**Anyway let's get on the camel and head to the story! :) **

1 minute later

"Kittykat"

"Kittykat"

Still ignoring him. Ah merde! Now he has started poking me. I have vair good self control, I will not give in.

"Kittykat got your tongue?" Cor luck a duck, he doesn't give up.

5 minutes later

Gadzooks, how un-maturosity is he? Now he is chucking peanuts at me.

"What Dave?"

"Ah I knew I could get you to talk, I am vair irresistible well it's expected as I am Jack the Biscuit."

"Dave?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up that thing you use to snog"

"Ooooh you don't want this mouth to close Kittykat, it's what you get you vair marvy snogs from you silly minx. " Ah! He is vair an annoyer master.

"Why would I want snogs of you?"

"Coz I am Jack the Biscuit and also you have a big red bottom that can't resist me"

I just looked at him and he looked at me back. It ended up being a staring competition that I am so going to win. He suddenly leaned in still not blinking and was just about to snog me, bear in mind Ellen might of seen it, when:

BANG!

It made me jump so much I fell of my seat into the walkway bit so everybody saw and once again they showed their vair sophis side by laughing like madosity loons on madosity loons tablets. Dave was having a laughing spaz that was louder than everybody else. I gave him evils and he said:

"Ah show the Biscuit lurrveee, not evils" Ooooh. Shut up brain!

What in the name of Dave's camels hump was that bang? Must be some car thingy as the bus has stopped. Ooooh Elvis is not going to like this, he might actually have to get of his lazy arse and look. It may cripple him even more. Yay! Then he might finally go to that caretaker's home in the sky then we would be Elvis loonosity old person free. Ro-Ro would throw a party in it's honour.

10 minute later

What in the name of flying pants is taking Elvis so long? It's bad enough we have to go to a tres enneyeux museum but now we are going to get their late which means out of her evilosity Slim will make us stay their longer. She's already there along with miss Wilson and Herr Kaymer. Ooh Elvis is back and he doesn't look happy central.

"Listen up your miscreants, the bus is broken down. It will take a few hours for someone to come fix it."

We all just looked at each other then all of the Barmy Army and the Ace Gang ran out knocking over Elvis on the way. Oh I wish my mutti and vati would let me have modern things like a camera coz that would be purfect picture moment!

Ah good old Ro-Ro, she always has a camera handy to take pics of embarrisingosity moments. Ah I have so many ideas of what to do with that picture. Muhahaha!

5 minutes later

We are like in the middle of nowhere, its all nature, smelly and farmish. Erlack a pongoes!

"Oh wow look at the beauty of this place! Tom, we should go look for some twigs or voles" Saddo central.

"Yeah, there might even be some cuckoo spit!" and they went off walking into the trees. Could you get much sadder than looking for cuckoo spit with your horn partner? No is the right answer.

"Why in the name of Pantibus's pants would someone want to be a vole couple?"

"That is a vair wise question young Fool, let's ask my beird as it is a wise beird that knows everything" Great. Rosie's beird comes back.

"Hmm, my beird tells me that it is because they are nature lovers and vair saddos."

"For once your fule of a beird is right"

"O' Loon Nicolson, are you trying to challenge my beird"

"O' Viking Ro-Ro i am indeed"

"Well here is a beird so we can have a proper beird fight" Where did she get that from?

"En-garde! Let the beird fight begin!"

5 minutes later

Yay i won! Well the small part of Sven picking up Ro-Ro and running with her on his shoulders might of helped that.

What in the name of a camels horn is Sven doing to Rosie? I don't even want to know, it will scare me even more than now.

10 minute later

Dave and Rollo have created a twig dance. Vair saddo, nowhere near the sophis of the Ace Gang dances.

Basically they just stick loads of twigs on them and do loads of stiff moves. Vair enneyeux if you ask me.

5 minutes later

They finally got bored of that and started having a twig fight. Person who knocks the twig out of the other persons hand wins and to get points you have to hit the other person with the stick in random places. Boys are vair le mystery.

5 minutes later

Dave won because Rollo was distracted by Jools coming up and kissing him.

10 minutes later

For the love of pantibus's platypus what is it with my pallies and snoggling their horn partners. Seriously they can't even stop when we are all stranded. Me and Dave are goosegogs extraordinaire. Marvy.

"Come on Kittykat, let's go on my camel and get away from the snoggers rave"

Ah well better that then watching my pallies snog, I was starting to feel like I was watching porn. We walked off together, well actually I say walked I mean skipped. I know you are thinking: What in the pants? Why is the Biscuit and Kittykat skipping?" Out of all my cleverosity I don't know, Dave decided to. I think it is too see my nunga-nungas heaving up and down. Fabby dabby dosey.

10 minutes later

Ah this is vair too long to walk, especially with my gigantibus nunga-nungas. I turned around and said to Dave:

"Stop walking you biscuit and sit-" then I fell down into a whole. What is it with stupid nature animals and making holes? I think it's to embarrass me. Why do nature animals hate me?

Dave just stood their having a laughing spaz, nearly falling down the hole himself from laughing so much.

"Oi help your Kittykat out of this whole would ya"

Still laughing he grabbed my hand and pulled me up, I nearly fell again so he grabbed my waist. He stared at me for a while and said:

"What do you feel about me Kittykat?"

**A/N Sorry for this being shorter but next chapter should be better. Dunno how many chapters this will end up as but I hope you like it. I probs won't update until I have about 4 reviews for this chapter but I will never not update if I don't get those many reviews :) So review please! **


	3. Like GForce Hamsters

**A/N ****I don't**** own the characters. Louise Rennison does :( **

**Sorry for the two week wait, everything round here has been hectic at my house and in my life so haven't had time to write. Also was away last week then spilt cold tea all over my laptop and it didn't work 4 3 days but it's working now :)**

**_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

**L**i**k**e** G**F**o**r**c**e** H**a**m**s**t**e**r**s

10 seconds later

Ohmygiddygodspyjamas! I can't believe he just asked me that. How am I supposed to know what I feel about him? I am generally the last one to know.

"I' m afraid if I told you I would have to kill you with your camel" What in the name of Beelzebub's pants was that about? Brain you are officially number one fule! How could you tell my lips to say that? I feel vair betrayed.

"My camel wouldn't betray his master, especially how sexy he is, I mean come on he is Jack _le_ Biscuit"

"Ah but he would. It would be like one of those tip top secret alliances that help him like those GForce hamsters"

"You are quite honestly a loon Kittykat. Well your brain is anyways as it talks a load of wubish."

"That is vair offensive, I expect Jack le Biscuit to have a good way to make it up to his Kittykat" See the cleverosity in that? Well if you don't then because I believe in world peace I will share my cleverosity around the globe. And Hawkeye says I am selfish. Pshh she is obvs vair dim, anyway before the sadist came in my head I was telling you my cleverosity. By telling Dave I expect him to make it up to me he will most likely think about snogging which would then happen which would make him forget about me answering his question. Vair clever aye?

"I know you are trying to make me forget about what I asked you Kittykat!" Merde! I swear he earwigs on my brain or he could possibly be Mystic Meg posing as a boy. Erlack! If that was true I have snogged a girl which makes me a lezzy. Our Lord Sandra, why do you hate me? Buddha is probs more forgiving, I think I will go back to be a Buddhist unless God or Baby J starts turning up truffle and trumps.

He is still holding me around the waist and doing the staring fandango at moi. Ah stop! It's vair freaky deaky and possibly scary bananas.

"Gee, if you don't answer me I will be forced to let go of you and then your vair marvy hair will get covered in mud and possibly get a family of voles in it and you will have to become my slave." He said grinning mischievously at me.

"You wouldn't dare"

"Oh don't dare the Biscuit, Kittykat"

5 minutes later

Still having a staring competition with Dave the Laugh. Merde! Shit he's smirking which is not vair guht news.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Kittykat's going down" Merde!

As he had just let me go I grabbed onto him when I was falling so he came down with me. It was a vair long hole, but not wide. It was up to just above our shoulders so our shoulders were crammed in and we couldn't get out. Marvy! Not. Now we are stuck in a badger hole, My nungas are vair squashed up against him and I have no way of not looking at him.

"God Kittykat, your nungas up against me this close, does things to me" He is vair rudey dudey. "Anyway I still want an answer to my question, and as my slave you have to answer me" Stop bloody smirking!

"You are vair rudey dudey Hornmeister"

"Stop changing the subject Kittykat. I really want an answer."

"Why? I thought you were with Emma?"

"What? No, me and her broke up just before the near fisticuffs at dawn with the Handbag Horse"

"Oh"

"So what is your answer"

"Give me 5 minutes"

Hmm. What do I think about him? I know I have always found him attractive, well he is vair gorgey. He is vair like me really, vair funny, scrummy yumboes and comedie genius. He has always been a vair close pallie and always been there with vair guht advice. I've never liked seeing him with other girls. But that doesn't mean I love him does it? It's just that he is my pallie so I don't want him getting hurt. Then why can I never resist his snogs? This is going to be vair long convo with my brain. Good Grief.

5 Minutes later

"Time's up Kittykat"

"Dave, I –" and I was interrupted by a voice saying:

"Georgia?"

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sorry it was quite short but I have authors block but I will try to write something later or tomorrow. Anyway hope you like it :)

Oh and btw if I don't get at least 4 reviews for this chappy it will take me longer to write as reviews give me determination. I won't not write but it will take longer.

Pip Pip. :)


	4. Snogger's Rave

A/N I don't own the characters,

Sorry this took vair longer than I expected, I've had my laptop confiscated so I have been stealing time on my home computer. Anyways I hope you like this.

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Snogger's Rave**

We both looked up and saw Ro-Ro looking at us like we were weird loons, which of course I'm not.

"How in the name of a Viking kings beard did you end up stuck in a badger hole?"

Me and Dave looked at each other, it would be vair and tres embarrassing central to tell the truth so I just said with my gigantibus amounts of cleverosity:

"That doesn't matter you bearded fule, just use your Viking strength to get us out"

"I am not that strong Gee, I'l go get my viking fish lord" and went skipping off with a mix of lets go down the disco-ing. So moi and Dave were left alone again. Merde and ho hum pigs bum.

"So what were you going to say to The Biscuit, Madame Kittykat loon?"

"Well Monsieur Nincompoop the Biscuit, if I told you that I would have to kill you"

"Come on Gee, just tell me" He looked vair serious so I guess I'l have to tell him the truth.

"Ermm..well..I..erm"

"Without the Ellen stammers would be marvy Kittykat"

"Shh Mr Laugh. I…lurvee you in a troth exchangee kinda way."

I told him. I can't believe it. He sorta had an un- Dave the Laugh expression on his face. We did the staring fandango for another gazillion years, good god if we keep doing that we are gonna turn into old bearded loons. I don't suit the bearded look as well as Ro-Ro because you have to be clinically insane like she is and I say that in a loving way but not in a lezzie way.

Then Dave suddenly smirked his Dave the Laugh smirk at me and said:

"Well that's bloody marvy Kittykat, because I love you too, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Of course I will be you silly Biscuit"

I sorta just stared at him before attaching my lips to his. For the next 10 minutes. We wouldn't have stopped if it wasn't for Ro-Ro and Sven coming back for us.

"I leave for 10 minutes and you two are snogging. God, you two don't waste any time" Ro-Ro said smirking.

"Well being this close to my girlfriend, makes me want to snog her" Dave the Laugh said grinning at me.

"What?" Ro-Ro screamed. "Ah that's great! Finally!" Ro-Ro started doing a celebration let's go down the disco dance while Sven just did his own weird Swedish/Viking dance.

"What do you mean finally you bearded fule?"

"Well, us vair cleverosity filled Ace Gang people have been waiting for you dim troth exchangees to get together"

"Oh" is all I said. I have said it many times, but I am always the last to know. Ro-Ro and Sven carried on their dancing for another gazillion years. My nungas were starting to cut of my breathing so I said:

"Oi, dancing Viking spoons! Can you get us out of here, my nungas are stopping me from breathing!"

"But wouldn't that be a brilliant death Kittykat? Dying right next to your Biscuit"

"Remember if I die Monsiuer Biscuit, you get no snogs" He looked vair scared bananas and screamed:

"Get us out of here! Or I will get no snogs" Sven pulled us both out, kissed our cheeks and put us down. Then he grabbed Ro-Ro who was still dancing put her over his shoulder and ran off in the woods.

Me and Dave did the staring fandango again until I, because of my cleverosity said:

"Stop staring at me you gorgey fule! Let's go find the others"

So we walked around holding hands and found the others. It was a snoggers rave of course so we sat down and joined in.

They were so shocked they actually stopped snogging!

"Uh Dave, Georgia. Everybody can see you, I thought you two only did accidental snogs in private?" Jazzy spazzy that was low.

"Well I'm sure I can snog my boyfriend in front of you lot"

"Yes! Finally" All the Ace Gang circled me and was asking vair loads of questions, still looking like shocked agogs, and the Barmy boys just said to Dave: "God you took your time mate" or "Get in there!" Boys are vair le mystery.

We decided to get back on the bus to be more comfortable, so me and Dave went in first and then we had goldfish and shocked agogs expressions from what we saw. Let me tell you it was not pretty, it was number 7 action between…..

* * *

Well I hope you liked it, sorry about another cliffy I just couldn't help it.

This isn't over yet, I am going to be writing about the trip aswell coz you know the ace gang and barmys in a museum just says trouble. :D

Pip Pip :)


	5. Yodelling Snogging

**_A/N Usual disclaimer: I don't own characters :(_**

**_Sorry for long wait again. I have like 7 or 6 stories that I have been trying to update._**

**_Check out: Sex Kitty, I Luuurve You! Which is written by me and Earth Kid Tree Hugger on our joint account: Dave the Laugh is GROOVY-GRAVY. It's a tandem so like she writes a chapter then I do and goes on like that. Ta very much :)_**

* * *

_**1 second later**_

Erlack times a gazillion! That is gross and traumatic.

We are all going to need therapy now!

**_1 second later_**

Miss Wilson and Herr Kaymer! Erlack, I mean i know he's seen her in the nuddy pants but still gross!

If they had walked in on two of us doing that they would ballisiticimus at us!

Everyone is vair grossed out.

Even Jas looked like she was going to throw up.

**_1 second later_**

After everyone got out of their grossed out states, Ro-Ro did a vair clever thing.

She took a photo of them.

The flash made them jump and separate.

Miss Wilson was vair embarrassed.

Who wouldn't be if they were snogging Herr Kaymer?

Herr Kaymer was a flustered fule.

"Ah girls and boys. Me and Miss Wilson..was...ahh..how you say.."

"Number seven-ing" Dave said.

I looked at him vair confused and said:

"How do you know about that?"

"Jas"

Enough said really, as she is Radio Jas.

"Oh"

"No girls and boys we were umm.."

"Snogging? Look is the bus fixed?" Jas the Spaz asked.

"Yes" Miss Wilson said still looking like a tomato.

"Fabby. Look, we have a picture of you two snogging, which we will show to Slim, our headmistress if you don't do us a little favour" Ro-Ro said grinning.

Ooh blackmail.

I like it.

"Rosie, that's not very nice is it. Remember your Karma."

Remember your karma? Where does Miss Wilson get this stuff?

100 Phrases That Crap R.E Teachers Use book?

"Miss Wilson, I think you're the one who has had their karma. You see you snogged Herr Kaymer and affected us traumatically so this is your karma for that"

"Stop being silly Rosie"

"I'm not. Either you do us a favour or we give this picture to Slim and you will get in trouble"

Go Ro-Ro!

"Vat is this favour?"

"Instead of taking us to the museum you let us do what we want in London, seeing as that's where we was going anyways"

We all cheered and Sven showed Ro-Ro his appreciation by yodelling in her mouth.

Yodelling snogging.

That is so not being put on the Snogging Scale.

"Now Rosie, you know we can't do that"

"Yes you can moi petite fule." She said from inside Sven's mouth.

Erlack.

"Rosie-" Ro-Ro cut her off after removing herself from Sven's lips

"No London, no hushy hush from us"

Hushy hush?

She's getting loonier by the day.

Oh well, she's a loon that's got us a day in London.

"Fine. But you have to be back by half 3."

We all cheered and sat down. Except Ro-Ro who said to the bus driver:

"Elvis Driver, gather your pants up and ride this camel to London as quick as a speedy thing."

* * *

**_I know that was vair short but there will be more in the next chapter, which i will begin to write tomorrow. Hope you liked it! :)_**

**_Thanks for the reviews so far, keep them coming :)_**

**_Tatty bye! :)_**


	6. Dress Shopping with Dave

_**A/n *gasps shocked* Has it really been over two weeks since I last updated? Sorry, the time is getting away from me. School has been intense with all the homework so I've lost track of time. Plus my friend made me audition with her for our school play, for dancing parts so if I end up in the play I'll have even less time to write. :(**__** Not a clue what's going to be in this I am going to let my fingers type and hope they come up with something good. Wish me luck! :)**_

_**Btw although I live sort of near London, I am not too great with locations in it so excuse that please :D**_

_**Disclaimers will be in the bottom authors note. **_

* * *

_Flashback:_

_We all cheered and sat down. Except Ro-Ro who said to the bus driver:_

_"Elvis Driver, gather your pants up and ride this camel to London as quick as a speedy thing."_

**Chapter 6: Dress shopping with Dave.**

_**1 hour later**_

Woohoo! We are finally in London!

Good old Viking Queen Ro-Ro.

I'm vair glad she is skilled in blackmailing.

Except if I was the one she was blackmailing.

Shut up brain!

Anyway my point was yay Rosie! Now we can do what we want in London.

Ooh shopping here we come!

_**1 minute later**_

"Remember girls and boys, you have to be back by 3:30"

Ha.

As if anyone is going to listen to Miss Wilson.

Well except P Green.

She is too scared to go round London.

So she is staying with Herr Kaymer and Miss Wilson on the bus.

How wet is that?

Vair, if you didn't know.

Shame P Green didn't bring one of her hammies.

The Foxwood boys would of lurved it.

They probably would of played football with it.

And Slim says I'm not considerate, she is obviously wrong.

_**10 minutes later**_

Us Ace Gang and Barmy Army are doing the usual.

I.e. snogging.

And no you dirty minxes of the world, I don't mean mass snogging.

I mean snogging our horn partners.

Jeez, sometimes it's hard to be this smart.

_**10 minutes later**_

Everyone finally stopped snogging.

So Ro-Ro said:

"So groovers and mooooovers, what are we going to do?"

Jas said, looking vair nerdy:

"Me and Tom are going to go to find some gardens or woods to try and find some rare chipmunks."

Erlack. Why would you want to do that, when you are in London?

_**5 minutes later**_

Ro-Ro and Sven are going to go round Leciester Square educating people about Vikings.

Good grief.

Ellen, Dec, Jools, Rollo, Mabs and Ed are all going to the London Dungeons.

Erlack! Why would you want to go to dungeons?

It's all dark and erlack a pongees.

What would be the point on making your hair have perfect bounceability like Jools, Mabs and Ellen have just done, when no-one will see it?

_Quelle est a le_ point?

There is none if you didn't know.

Which you should really.

Good grief.

_**1 minute later**_

Everyone has gone of leaving me and Dave on our own.

Fabby! More private snoggys with him.

I looked at him and then he looked at me.

Oh no.

Please don't let it be one of those "looking at me, looking at him" fandangos.

Then he grinned:

"This silence fandango bores me. Let's go have fun in London!"

"Fabby. Guess where we are going first?"

"Where?"

I think he knew what I was thinking because he had a slight bit of fear in his eye.

Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

I think I have exchanging troth hysterics.

Fab.

"Shopping in Oxford Street!"

Dave just looked at me like I'm a fule and said:

"You are making me go shopping?"

"Yep."

Then he just pouted.

Aaw he's cute when he pouts.

_**2 minutes later.**_

Dave's still pouting.

Aaw.

It's still vair cute.

Then suddenly he grinned.

"Fine. But I get to try on a dress."

Is he on the turn?

"Are you on the turn?"

"A biscuit never turns you silly Kittykat."

"Riighhtt… but you want to try on a dress?"

"Yep. It'll be a laugh and I always wanted to know what wearing one was like"

"Okaaay then. Each to their own."

"Let's go Kittykat!"

Dress shopping with Dave. This is going to be tres amusante.

_**Clothe shop in London. **_

I have found the most fabby dress ever!

It's gorgey.

And red.

Which is vair Sex Kitty-ish.

Puurrfeecct.

Dave on the other hand has found three dresses.

Three.

And he is a boy.

I am vair worried about him.

_**Changing room.**_

Both me and Dave are in one changing room.

Yep one.

And before you go all Jassy Spazzy on me.

It isn't my fault. Or choice.

Dave came in the changing room with me and won't get out.

"Dave, I need to change."

"Come on Gee, we are all friends here."

"Dave! Fine, but turn around."

"Kittykat!"

"Dave, just do it. I'll give you a thank you gift for it later."

Snogging persuasion.

It always works.

Proof was when Dave turned around without complaining.

Hahaha! I'm gooooooooood.

I quickly got into the dress, and looked in the mirror.

This dress is gorgey.

I looked where Dave was.

Oh god.

Laughing spaz hit me straight away.

While I was changing he had put one of the dresses on.

He looked so tres amusante.

"What are you laughing at Kittykat, I think I make it work."

I just carried on laughing.

_**5 minutes later**_

Finally stopped laughing.

Dave was just rolling his eyes at me.

"I know that was just your way of getting rid of your stupid brain."

"Whatever."

Dave just shrugged and took of his dress.

So he was just in boxers.

Great. Now I'm going to look like a tomato.

I quickly turned around and took of my dress, forgetting Dave hadn't turn around.

So I was there in just my underwear just as I was about to put my top on Dave turned me around quickly and snogged me.

Yummy!

_**20 minutes later**_

"Are you okay in there miss?" I heard the shop assistant say before she opened the door that someone cough DAVE cough had forgotten to lock.

And there me and Dave were.

Snogging.

In our undercrackers.

How embarrassing.

The assistant went bright red before going ballisticimus at us.

So we being the cleverosity filled people we are quickly put on our clothes and raaaaaaaaaaan.

We ran until we were way out of sight of the shop.

Then started having a laughing spaz.

Again.

_**10 minutes later**_

"Put your hands up, give me all your money!" came from behind us. We heard a click of a gun.

Merde!

*dramatic music*

* * *

_**A/n I hope you liked that: let me know. Review please :) **_

_**I don't own any characters except the shopping assistant. I also don't own London, London Dungeons, Foxwoods school and anything else you remotely recognise. **_

_**Please check out The Pants Awards and Sex Kitty, I Luuurve You! On mine and Earth Kid Tree Huggers joint account: Dave the Laugh is GROOVY-GRAVY.**_

_**Ta very much, and remember: Never eat anything bigger than your head. In the wise words of Dave the Laugh.**_


	7. Authors Note

_**A u t h o r s N o t e**_

Okay. So some of you may be wondering what the hell has happened to me; why haven't I updated any of my stories.

I haven't even wrote my next chapter for mine and Earth Kid Tree Hugger's joint story: Sex Kitty, I Luurrvee You!.

So here's the deal: I was on holiday for 10 days and I forgot to tell you. How stupid was that? Vair stupid.

So I won't start writing anything until tomorrow as I am too tired at the moment, but there should be an update for nearly all my stories by

....... The end of the weeek. It's not a promise though

Tatty bye!


	8. I’m a Ladeeeeeeeeeee!

_**A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry! I have had serious writers block and I'm vair, vair, vair sorry for how long this has taken :( Guess what gave me my fit of inspiration? A school trip! School for once actually turned up trumps for once :) Reviews would be fabby :)**_

_**Disclaimers in bottom authors note.**_

**_***********************************************************_**

_Flashback from last chapter:_

_**10 minutes later**_

"_Put your hands up, give me all your money!" came from behind us. We heard a click of a gun._

_Merde!_

_*dramatic music*_

_******************************************************************_

Chapter 8: I'm a Ladeeeeeeeeeee!

_**1 second later**_

Ohmygiddy, giddy, giddy god! This is like one of those films, where people get kidnapped.

I wonder if I can persuade them to not shoot us if I offer them my lipgloss?

I think it's a vair good exchange.

"Erm… Mr and Mrs people holding a gun to our heads, would you let us go if I gave you my lipstick?"

Dave just looked at me like I was a loon.

"Oh JA! Ja, ja, ja!"

What a momento! I know that crazy reindeer language!

That's Sven.

_**1 second later**_

Yep, it is indeedy.

I turned round and Ro-Ro was standing there nearly peeing herself with laughter with a toy gun in her hand.

Ohmygiddygod! How could she do that to her bestie pallie and her biscuit?

Her low level of good pallieosity is amazingly pants.

Well actually no pants are fabby, her low level of good pallieosity is amazingly….

..Merde.

"O' Viking One, you are how you say about to be the bone people pick with other people." (A/n if you don't get that ignore it) Dave said.

"Ah you forget King of Pants that I have my gorgeous Viking Animal"

So Dave grabbed me and ran.

_**1 minute later**_

We are being chased by Sven and Rosie on his back screaming "Onwards my gorgeous Viking!"

They scared the merde out of us, yet we are being chased.

This is the life I lead.

The people of Merrie England's capital are not very..ermm.. merrie.

People who walked past us tutted like tutting things tutting.

What is it with people? Just because they don't have the spark of youth and joie de whatsit that I do doesn't mean they have to stick their conks in.

Oo-er!

Shut up brain!

_**Half an hour later**_

After Sven had ended his torture on us (he sat on us) we realised we had somehow had managed to get to a completely different museum.

Called V and A.

That's a stupid name.

Doesn't have the same creativeosity vibe as I have.

"The V and A? Wow! Someone has finally noticed my gorgeous horn partners fabbyosity and named a museum after him!"

Me and Dave just looked at her.

"Moi petite les nincompoops, you don't understand do you?"

We just looked at her again.

She sighed and got her beard.

"The beard has wisdom."

What is she on about? I think Sven might of attacked her brain.

"V and A. Stands for Viking Animal."

"What about the and?"

"Ands do not matter in the way of the Vikings."

I think she's finally gone quackers.

Dave just did what he thought was a wise nod.

I didn't tell him it made him look like a bobble head.

See? I am all heart.

_**5 minutes later**_

We all decided to go into the museum.

Well when I say decided I mean Sven picked us up and ran in there with us on his shoulders.

So really Sven decided, I was just an innocent rider.

Oo-er!

Great, now I think I'm going quakers.

_**10 minutes later**_

Ho hums pigs bum.

The security type people at the museum are vair nosey.

They are sticking their conks into peoples bad with a flashlight.

How rude is that?

I have some personal stuff in my bed, like lipgloss and other sophis stuff.

The security guy had a badger on his chin.

How can anybody trust that?

_**1 minute later**_

The security guy found my horns.

He held them up with a confuzzled expresision.

So I said with all my maturosity:

"Every good pallie of a Viking, must have them."

"Don't cheek me ma'am."

Is everybody who have a badger on their chin like this?

Maybe the badger makes them temperamental.

Well done chin badgers of the universe.

_**1 minute later**_

Security guard found a fish sandwhich, furry shorts and lip stick in Sven's bag.

He looked vair confuzzled.

Sven just said: Hello, check guy, I am here wiv ve chicks and groover."

Then picked us up along with his bags and went through.

Gott in himmel.

_**10 minutes later**_

Walked through art worldwide for a gazillion years until we finally found the guht part: i.e. clothes.

Although for some reason in the middle of the room when you get to that bit there is a gigantibus fake rhino.

Why?

Sven and Dave thought it was marvy.

And took turns "riding it".

Well when I say took turns I mean whenever Sven decides he wants a turn he chucks Dave onto me.

So Dave was literally on top of me. Oo-er.

Dave used it as snog time.

What clever pants.

_**5 minutes later**_

Another security guard with the popular badger-on-chin look came over a told us to calm down, which amazingly Sven did.

Well… to a Sven level that is which any fule knows is very different from a normal persons idea of calm.

I walked around looking at the clothes with Dave.

Some were vair fabby, even Dave enjoyed it.

Well he liked the dress with fake food on it because he said it was hilariousity personified.

_**10 minutes later**_

Gott in himmel.

There is a section near the clothes where they have a wardrobe full of costumes that you are allowed to try on so of course Dave and Sven had to try some on.

First Dave put on a ancient posh pants outfit, which I was vair amazed to find he actually made work even though he did look loonified.

Then he and Sven put on dresses.

Tres, tres and tres amusante!

Dave was prancing around saying: "I'm a ladeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

And Sven was just going: "Ja, ja! I'm a girly chick."

Me and Rosie were laughing like proverbial drains in skirts.

When we finally did stop laughing, Rosie said:

"Svenetta is bringing out my lezzieness."

Erlack.

I just looked at her so she went and snogged him.

Typico.

I said to Dave in all my wisdomosity:

"Are you on the turn!"

"I am just putting on my pantaloons for a momento Kittykat. I still look gorgey though don't I? I bet I could still give you stupid brain.

"No, because I do not get stupid brain when my boyfriend is dressed like a ladeeeeeee."

"But you used to get it from Masimo."

That was low.

Dave grinned at me than snogged me.

He is vair good at this.

Mmm yummy! He just snogged my neck, then went up to my chin, across my jaw and snogged my ear. Then he went back to my lips and nip libbled. My knees nearly went from jelloidosity.

Scrumboes aglor!

Then he stopped and said:

"So Kittykat.. did that give you stupid brain?

"Nnggh."

* * *

_**A/n: Phew! I finally finished :) There is actually a bit in the V and A where you can try costumes on, two of my best friends and two boys in my class tried some on and they look hilarious. :)**_

_**Disclaimers: I don't own Confessions of Georgia Nicolson, the characters except the ones I made up, I don't own the V and I don't own London of course. **_


End file.
